... As the Beasties said, "it's time to get ill!" Just check out our sound files to hear a bit of their "schizophrenic verse words".

That was 1984. Today, it's Kim Jong Il, and it's time to get a bit of information on everyone who messed up the "negotiations" to stop Il and his dedicated staff from making "nucular" weapons.

All week, the talk news programs featured politicians from the Republican and Democrat parties blaming each other for the apparent reality that North Korea had tested a "nucular" weapon, as president Bush might say.

Well, since Il did not test a "nucular" weapon, and may not have tested a nuclear weapon, perhaps some people in America view this debate as academic. It is not.

In the summer of 1994 there were a few of us in the lucrative commentary biz taking time out of our busy schedules (often filled with hours spent eating peeled grapes off the backs of our fawning maidservants) to actually note the ridiculous parameters of the Clinton Adminstration's "Agreed-to Framework" with North Korea over "nucular" weapons development. It strikes us as peculiar that people like Madeline Albright should claim that President Bush has "dropped the ball" handed him by her, Billy C, and Jimmy Carter. Why? Because the football was radioactive, and he never had a chance to do anything with it.

Simply put, in 1994, the tag-team of Albright and Carter traveled to North Korea to partake in fine food and champaign (there isn't much left for the non-Communist Party members there, but that's a different story) with Kim Jong Il. They also gave him a basketball signed by Michael Jordan.

Obviously taken with this great sign of negotiating prowess, Il bowed to the pressure. Wouldn't anyone? I mean, come on! A basketball? Don't mess with Michael Jordon. Il agreed to not develop nuclear weapons, in exchange for... Um... Well, this is where the football gets a bit hot to handle.

In exchange for Il's agreement to NOT develop nuclear weapons (and we know how much America can trust communist dictators -- great starting point, Madeline), Albright and Carter agreed to give Il... Um... Let's see, you want to stop a crazy man from developing nuclear weapons, and so in return for his "promise" you give him... Uh...

Oh, yeah! Nuclear fuel! Free advice from nuclear experts, help building nuclear "energy" plants which can be used to enrich the nuclear fuel for weapons use, and LOTS of US TAX MONEY!

There's a recipe for success! Absolutely! Love it!

I know it's all George Bush's fault, Madeline. Though he DID keep giving North Korea lots and lots of OUR money, he didn't give Il any more basketballs, or nuclear fuel or nuclear expertise, because the Il regime closed down inspections shortly after you and Jimmy left North Korea with champaign in your gullets. But thanks for getting us off to such a great start. We've dedicated a lot of time to you and your pals here at our website. Hope you like it.

Love ya, baby!